Good luck, mate. Because if this is what teachers have to resort to in US schools, then you have one heck of a massive problem to fix.
I wonder what Prez in The Wire would have done?
After-thought. Test scores won't depend solely on knowledge. They'll depend at least partially on the ability of the child to ignore non-test distractions on the exam paper. Fail, and ironically you could end up working in a McJob for one of those companies...